Ticking Down the Days

I have an internal countdown clock ticking away in my brain. Every day when I wake up it tells me how many days remain until we depart for our trip to India. As I slowly come to consciousness after I shut off the alarm, my brain frantically calculates the days. Along with the number comes a skip of my heart and catching of my breath – and then a sense of joy.

Today that number is 34.

34 days until we get on a plane in Chicago for a really long (REALLY LONG) flight across the globe. For whatever reason, just a few minutes ago that number hit me hard. It isn’t as if it is a remarkable number – it isn’t 40 or 30 or 10 or 1.

Just 34.

But as I prepared to text a sister in Christ that we were at 34 days – I burst into tears. A million thoughts ran through my mind as I sat here and cried. It wasn’t just tears welling up in my eyes. It was all out bawling from the depth of my soul. Why?

It’s heavy.

The idea of going away from home is not a natural one for me. I am a hermit if left to myself. I like my home – the comfort of it. I like to know my surroundings and to have predictability with it. It is an overwhelming thought to travel across the globe for 30 days away from all that I know. Leaving behind my family for that long is something I have never done.

God is good.

As we have prepared for this trip, God has shown his goodness and faithfulness time and time again. He has brought things to the surface that need to be dealt with. He has convicted my heart of things that there are no room for anymore. He has shown grace in his provision. He has blessed us beyond belief in so many ways. He has shown us his steadfast love through the actions of others.

Many people closest to us don’t understand.

Those closest to us, family mostly, don’t understand why we would travel to India. They see danger and uncertainty in the status of the world. They see the financial expense. They think we are a bit crazy. The weight that carries is substantial. But, it has also convicted me that I have not done a good job of explaining our reasons to them. God has presented me with an opportunity to give witness to the amazing transformation Christ performs in a life that is submitted to his will.

There is a lot to do.

Each day that ticks by proves how quickly time goes by. We have a lot to do before we leave. Things to organize in our household; bills to pay for the time we are gone; packing; things that need to be bought; figuring out how to get to the airport and then back home from the airport. And trust me, there are numerous other things that I have jotted down in my notebook that would make you shake your head.

God has brought us to this.

This isn’t a Jenn and Freddie dream. As I sit and contemplate the amazing things God has worked out in my husband and me over the last several years I am overwhelmed and overjoyed at his steadfast love. I see how he has been preparing us for where we stand – and I can do nothing but trust in the One who has carried us this far. He is good and he is faithful. Praise Him!

There is a lot of work to do.

We aren’t going on a vacation. We are going to learn, support, encourage, gather information and serve. This isn’t about us it is about the Lord’s work and though it is by his strength we do all things – it doesn’t mean it will be without its challenges.

So, after a good cleansing cry and thinking through all of these things, I know that the weight I feel is not carried by me or by Freddie alone. The everlasting, sovereign, gracious, merciful, loving, faithful and amazing God of all holds it all in his hands. His plan and purpose are perfect and he is worthy of all my trust and faith. It is in him that I find my peace and I will hold tightly to that for the next 34 days and beyond, because he is true to his word.